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"He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an inexorable,indisputable law."
Self-confidence refers to us having a positive and realistic perception of ourselves and our abilities, free from doubt. It is characterized by: self assurance, independence, trust, emotional maturity, and the ability to handle criticism and accurately assess our capabilities. What would you need to change to have more self-confidence?
A lack of self-confidence, on the other hand, is characterized by: self- doubt, dependence, sensitivity to criticism, distrust, and feelings of inferiority and being unloved. How is self-doubt impacting on your life?
On a Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “totally lacking in self-confidence” and 10 “fully self-confident”, how do you rate yourself?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
(Please circle the appropriate number)
• What would it take to go up one or two points on the Self-Confidence Scale?
• What would have to change?
• What are you not doing that you wish you were?
• In your opinion, what would need to change for you to be a Ten on the Scale, fully self-confident?
• Can you imagine believing 100% in yourself and your abilities?
• What would your life be like? How do you feel?
• What would you be doing that you are not doing now?
Many of us, when put into new & different situations, may question ourselves. Doubts arise. That is a normal part of life. It is what we do when these doubts arise that determines whether we have self-confidence or not.
What can you do when doubt arises?
What tools do you have to move yourself up the scale closer to a 10, being fully self-confident?
Following is a list of actions you can take to increase your self confidence. As you read the list of possibilities, ask yourself which of these actions you would be willing to take.
1. Free yourself from “should’s”.
Live your life based on what you determine is right for you, instead of what you or others think you “should” do.
2. Recognize and take care of your own needs and desires.
Identify what really fulfills you- not just immediate gratifications. Respecting and meeting your own needs increases your sense of worth and well-being.
3. Set achievable goals.
Establish goals on the basis of what you can realistically achieve, and then work step-by-step to achieve them.
4. Talk to yourself positively.
Stop listening to your “inner critic”. When you notice that you are doubting or judging yourself, replace those thoughts with self-accepting thoughts.
5. Experience success and celebrate.
Look for goals and action steps which stretch, but don’t overwhelm you. Imagine yourself succeeding. Acknowledge & celebrate all your successes along the way, no matter how small.
6. Try something new.
New experiences are learning experiences which can build self-confidence. See the mistakes you make along the way as an important part of the learning process, which are moving you forward, closer to success. Acknowledge yourself for trying something new, making progress and increasing your competence.
7. See problems as opportunities, not obstacles.
Look for the opportunities that exist in a situation and identify ways to move forward and learn in the process.
8. Develop your skills.
Assess the skills you need; learn and practice them until you are competent.
9. Emphasize your strengths.
Focus on what you can do, rather than what you can’t. Consider what strengths you might want/need to develop next and move towards that.
10. Make yourself the authority in your life.
Entertain feedback from others, but don’t rely on their opinions. Value your own opinion, make decisions aligned with your values, decide how you feel about yourself and what is right for you.
Which of the above actions appeals to you?
Which do you want to commit to doing this week?
If you implement these actions, how will your life be different?
What thinking and behaviors will you need to let go?
What thinking and behaviors will you need to adopt?
What is the first step for you to move yourself towards increasing your self-confidence?
How committed are you to making that change?
Is it something that excites you?
Can you get behind this change 100%?
Can you see yourself doing it on a daily basis?
Is it something you can see yourself doing: one week from now, one month from now, 6 months from now, 1 year from now, etc?
You are on your way to becoming more self-confident. Be patient with yourself: change takes time and steadfast work. If you need to, get a coach to support you in making these changes. Above all else, have FUN along the way!
Submitted by Deborah kolb, celebrated, welcomed and approved contributor for kimknightcoaching